new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
