We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
