I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cut my penus on the lid.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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