Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
But theres a keg here and me gusta
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
