you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
