we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
