Do you still have your period?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize