i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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