It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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