yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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