you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
