I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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