In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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