just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
