if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drive I can fine osifer
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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