he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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