very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
