everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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