just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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