I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
