I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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