WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
