you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
