just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
