I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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