Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
