apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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