so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Life is so much better after having sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
