Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
