so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
