I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think people are normalizing furries
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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