I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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