She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
