I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so let's talk penis.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
