how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
