you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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