I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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