Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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