The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
