I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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