3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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