She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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