So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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