I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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