If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
