and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
