Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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