Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
