I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
