Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
