im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Houston, we have a squirter
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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