fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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