I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
