Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
