How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
