why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize