Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just found a bag of teeth...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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