i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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