did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
