i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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