never play flip cup with pint glasses
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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