He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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